i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
