That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
