thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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