Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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