i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
