Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
