im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
