I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
