She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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