my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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