I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
