This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
