so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
