I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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