So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
