i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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