Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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