What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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