I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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