I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
