I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
