Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
