i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize