soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
