You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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