1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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