I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
