Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
