Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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