my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
