Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
