You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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