i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
