He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize