she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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