I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize