Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
