apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He told me they were just razor bumps!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
