we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
