you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
