i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
