Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize