so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
