He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
