I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
