I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
