i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
