Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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