I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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