i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
