My friends, they love my intelligence
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
