o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
