I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
