We named our party play list daddy issues
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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