I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
