I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
