You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
