then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
