If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
