apparently the secret to your success is patron
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
