Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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