This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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