idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
