you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
