my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Can I color on your dick again?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
