just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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