i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
