I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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