last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
nutella sex= disaster
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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