lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
