i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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