This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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