Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
