I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
