Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
