only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize