this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
