If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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