i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize