Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
