Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
