How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
