ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
