discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
