The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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