i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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