Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
