my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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