They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
