dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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