My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
