she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
