so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize