I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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