I puked a lego.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
