if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
