Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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