she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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