I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
