First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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