the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
