I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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