I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
