I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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